Don’t Tell A Soul

Sent 12:48 AM
Me: I think I’ve had my fill of disneyland for a long time
L: LOL it’s a small small world
Me: Its a big fat ppl world and they all have doublewide strollers

Sent 1:02 AM
Me: OMFG couple with matching crocs cellphone holder necklaces
Me: Don’t let me forget that for my blog

Sent 2:01 AM
Me: Back at hotel which has no food anywhere after midnight
Me: I’ve decided everything in cali south of la sucks
Me: And maybe north too
Me: My face is red; did I get a sunburn or am I just indignant?
L: Ur Irish
Me: Ah, ok, so both

Homeless lady who smells like dog shit. Her bag has been stolen. Estimated value: $600. The officer explains that the contents need to be itemized; what was inside the bag costing $600? Clothes, blanket… oh, and some airline tickets.

Guy walks up to the counter clutching a blue folder tightly to his chest. He takes a deep breath, and announces, “Twenty to thirty calls a day”.

“To you?”.

“Yes!”.

Eventually the officer is able to extract from him that a woman won’t stop calling, and she fills up his answering machine if he’s not there. Well, what does she say? “She says she wants to talk to me”.

Oh, what was I doing at the police station, you ask? Filing a report because my bike was stolen on Christmas. Happy fucking holidays!